Sunday Service | Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, Week 3: October 4, 2020
This morning, Nicole opens up our morning of worship with a reminder to look at Jesus. There are so many things vying for our attention and our eyes, but what we need to know most is found in Jesus’ eyes: We are safe. We are loved. We can feel everything else that is going on, AND get through it with God.
Jana Roberts shared with our kids a similar message about our feelings. Whether we are happy or sad, no matter what we feel, we can have joy in our hearts because of how much Jesus loves us.
And Mary continues our series on Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. This week, we dig into the idea of looking back at our family of origin in order to move forward.
Our family of origin gives us messages to observe, be them spoken or unspoken rules, that impact much of how we live our lives. But being a child of God invites us into a new family with different influences and messages.
There are 2 truths we must acknowledge as we look back in order to move forward:
The blessings and sins of our families can greatly affect who we are
Discipleship requires us to put off those patterns from our family of origin in order to learn God’s way
Sins such as those in our families build up walls in all our relationships, including our relationship with God. Looking back allows us to process and break down those walls.
Family of origin patterns inherited can encompass ways of relating, dealing with conflict, important values, etc. Our family is the most impactful group of people we will ever encounter in our lives. The patterns we learn and adopt from them play out in our present relationships every day; it is impossible to erase them fully.
The Ten Commandments of Your Family (see below) are a play on the 10 commandments of different areas in which we were likely taught by our family of origin to behave or relate to. These have to be challenged, especially as they have caused disconnection in our relationships.
Think about these messages. Does one stick out more than the other? Can you see areas where what you were taught has caused disconnect between you & others, or you & God?
The good news is, our past family dynamic doesn’t have to be our future because of what Jesus has done for us. Ephesians chapter one describes this as transference out of the kingdom of darkness into the kingdom of light, adopted as sons and daughters of God. We are moved from brokenness to wholeness, from anger to delights.
Other passages as well describe well how we are in a new family now, and help us remember who God is as we are looking back:
Proverbs 4:23
Philippians 4:4-9
John 8:44
Psalm 139:23-24
Romans 8:1
Romans 8:28
Colossians 1:26-29
Through healing and God’s word, we are able to break cycles of hurt in our family.
Let’s look at Joseph’s family line now in the Bible to see how he too broke some cycles in his own family line (Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob). Both blessings and patterns of sin are passed down through his family line, just as in our own families as well.
In each generation, we see these cycles:
Lying
Favoritism
Brothers being cut-off in relationship
Poor intimacies in marriages
There is a tool in therapy used often to help identify these patterns by looking visually at one’s family tree, called a genogram. You can see Joseph’s below:
Questions to apply to your own genogram:
What messages did you receive from your father?
Your mother?
Siblings?
Whole family unit?
Then, use scripture to weigh these messages, lies versus truth.
Joseph learns a lot from his family line. The favoritism towards him from his father led to his brothers’ jealousy, and that in turn led to him being sold into slavery and leading a pretty hard life until he was promoted to second in command under Pharoah in Egypt.
It is during the latter part of his life when he faces his brothers again as they have to seek help from him during a famine. The family is united, but after their father dies, his brothers worry that Joseph will now make them pay for selling him into slavery all those years ago.
He speaks to them in Genesis 50.14-21 (the message):
After burying his father, Joseph went back to Egypt. All his brothers who had come with him to bury his father returned with him. After the funeral, Joseph’s brothers talked among themselves: “What if Joseph is carrying a grudge and decides to pay us back for all the wrong we did him?”
So they sent Joseph a message, “Before his death, your father gave this command: Tell Joseph, ‘Forgive your brothers’ sin—all that wrongdoing. They did treat you very badly.’ Will you do it? Will you forgive the sins of the servants of your father’s God?”
When Joseph received their message, he wept.
Then the brothers went in person to him, threw themselves on the ground before him and said, “We’ll be your slaves.”
Joseph replied, “Don’t be afraid. Do I act for God? Don’t you see, you planned evil against me but God used those same plans for my good, as you see all around you right now—life for many people. Easy now, you have nothing to fear; I’ll take care of you and your children.” He reassured them, speaking with them heart-to-heart.
In this passage, Jacob chose to break the normal cycle of how his family dealt with conflict and pain. He chose forgiveness and mercy.
We can also choose a different path.
There are 4 things we learn from Joseph as he chooses this different path:
1: Joseph had a profound sense of the bigness of God.
He knew God’s goodness. Joy is an expression of faith in that goodness.
Obedience sparks this joy in our hearts.
2: Admitted honestly the sadness of his family and the cycles therein.
3: Rewrote his life script according to scripture.
Psalm 139 is a beautiful reminder of how we can model our lives.
4: Partnered with God to be a blessing.
He could have easily destroyed his family with anger.
It is hard to imagine a path towards blessing,
but Joseph made his choice based on God’s safety, goodness, and trustworthiness.
He quieted and submitted his anger to the Lord in order to be a blessing.
This is hard. This is very challenging.
And that is why God has given us community. We need trusted people to walk this out with. We were never meant to do this alone.
This work of looking back to move forward invites Jesus into every aspect of our lives, especially the ones we hide. It allows us to be more open with Jesus, to partner with him, instead of compartmentalizing our lives or our past.
Through both our spiritual and emotional health, we have space to connect with him.
Questions to reflect on this week:
How can you get the support you need?
Who can you bring into your journey?
How can you invite Jesus into this area?
Song to Listen to this week:
The Blessing by Kari Jobe & Cody Carnes
Prayer to pray together:
Grant me courage; grant me wisdom to learn from the past but not be crippled by it. And may I, like Joseph, be a blessing to my earthly family, spiritual family, and the world at large. In Jesus’ name Amen.